Mind Blowing...

I just down loaded Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love. Jeff Robinson introduced me to the song, and I must admit that I like it. Big ups, JRob. The song has got me thinking, though. Do people really love each other as much as Ms. Lewis warbles?

I guess I can understand how one person could love someone else, it's the vice versa part that gets me. It has to be a miracle that one person could happen to be in love with the exact same person who is in love with them. I don't refer to just loving one another, but being madly in love with each other to the point of amorous intoxication. If that even occurs then it has to be a miracle.

In high school it was easy to feel queasily infatuated, but that was more than likely hormonal. I also think it was easier to love because there was less to worry about. My mom took care of my basic needs and I had very few bills. Girls were my life, whether they wanted to be or not.

Now that I'm older I have other things to worry about. I see life from a different perspective and see love in a different life. It's important to note that I also see relationships in a different life. They take work. I haven't seen many actually work at all in my life or in the lives of those closest to me, let alone work out the way my daydreams paint them.

There was one girl I would have married a few years ago. It was an odd feeling. I loved her differently than I have ever loved anyone or anything else. For whatever reason she didn't accept that love. I wasn't even weird about it. I wasn't a nut bar with her or get annoyingly googly every time I was around her. We had real conversations and shared our thoughts and feelings. She just couldn't reciprocate what I tried to give her. Now I'm over it, and she's married to someone else. It still works as a decent case study for me in life, though.

So, I know that I can love. I know that others can love. I'm sure that two people can love each other. I just can't fathom how that will be. I just wonder how much circumstance and outside factors play into the scenario. For example, how many people get married because they really like each other and really don't want to be alone? Or, how often does it occur that one person keeps "bleeding love" and the other just settles because he/she is tired of the game and the chase?

I know that sometimes I date just to date, just to not be on the couch on Friday night. I'm fairly certain that some girls go to dinner with me for the free meal, so I guess we're even. Sometimes, though, I'm genuinely interested. I think some girls are genuinely interested in me at times, but rarely do those interests coincide.

Let it be clear that this is not a complaint. I sat down to write hoping to exercise the demons as it were and try to wrap my head around this concept of shared loved. I got nowhere. Leona Lewis keeps repeating that she's bleeding love and no one can stop her, but I don't know if I believe her. I accept the fact that she could be bleeding love for someone else, but it's hard to believe that that same someone has been cut open as poetically as she has been. I'm not saying that it's not possible, only that it would have to be a miracle.... and I guess miracles happen every day, don't they?

The Latest

It's been a while since I've blogged, but that is not because things haven't been happening. Here's the latest:

Although I was accepted to grad school at the University of Louisville, I will not be attending. I was recently hired by Utah Valley University (formerly UVSC) to work full time as a sports information specialist. That means I'll be the media liason of sorts for the men's basketball, women's softball, and possibly women's volleyball teams there at UVU. It's my first job with benefits, so I'm kinda stoked about it.

As part of my job search I had applied for a full-time internship at Notre Dame to do the same type of work. I actually applied to a number of schools, but Notre Dame and UVU were the only ones that called me back. I interviewed for both positions, and, to be honest, was kinda proud that I would be considered for either. I've worked pretty hard to get here. Anyway...

I felt really good about accepting the offer from UVU before I had even heard back from Notre Dame. I accepted the job and called Notre Dame to tell them my decision. The people in South Bend told me that I wasn't going to be offered the job anyway, so it worked out for me either way. The lady at Notre Dame actually apologized that she couldn't hire me and told me that she just had a gut feeling to go with someone else. I told her not to worry because I had that same gut feeling to stay in Utah. I just felt I really needed to stay here anyway.

BYU has been great to me. I did not want to come here at all when I was deciding where to go to school, but that same gut feeling (or prompting, if you will) told me that this is where I needed to be. It worked out marvelously, and I'm sure UVU will be the same, except I wanted the job in the first place and didn't dread accepting the position at all.

And now for the Mr. Rogers moment that I feel should be customary: I truly believe that when you work hard good things will come of it. I believe that if you're making an effort not only to be a good person, but a better person every day then God will bless you for it. I've made some pretty stupid mistakes, but He hasn't given up on me yet. Jacob 6:5 says that we should "cleave unto God as He cleaveth unto you." That is beautiful imagery. God won't dodge our advances. He's reaching out and grasping with all of His might, whether or not we may see it or believe it. I say believe it. If you don't trust me, try it. You've got nothing to lose and only the world to gain.

PS - For those of you who don't recognize that scripture, it comes from The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. If you'd like a copy, let me know. I'll send you one.